Louise Mathewson - Author & Poet
|Posted on February 8, 2018 at 7:00 AM|
Can you believe it? It's February in a new year already! As we have stepped into a new year, some well-meaning people might ask us "how are your New Year's resolutions going?” Many people bow their heads, look to the side with a lopsided grin, their tone of voice falls and…you know how it goes.
I made a resolution a few years back to not make resolutions any more, and I’m doing great!! (Read my story) Instead of resolutions, I now make wishes!!
My first wish for myself this year is a good night’s sleep!! Many with brain injuries have sleep probems. More on that in a couple weeks. My second wish is that I get more regular about blogging. I’m leery of tying myself to any specific time table because, with a traumatic brain injury, it all depends on my physical resources, how I feel, and/or what I might be stressed about, on any given day. That’s another story, (resources after TBI), in a future blog!
A couple years ago I took a blogging class online with Susannah Conway! It was fantastic!! I loved it!!! I love all her classes! (if you don’t know about Susannah, I highly recommend all her classes.) However, when it ended I floundered for a while, with a lack of community and accountability, and then life stresses intervened. The longer I was away, the harder it was to get back. My confidence washed away into an ocean of fears…exposure, imperfect writing, exposure, a blank mind, exposure, insecurity about the value of my work, exposure, lack of organization, and once again exposure.
As you can tell, fear of exposure is a big one for me. As an oldest child in a troubled and dysfunctional family, if I didn’t do the adult thing from 2+ years on, my little mind told me I had failed. So shame and fear became my constant companions. I don't like to be on any kind of stage. A traumatic brain injury magnified my insecurities. Blogging is for sure a public stage. (In a few weeks, I'll tell you about my first "stage" experience.) If you could see how many times, I've revised this post, you'd laugh, or you'd commiserate!
I’m an introvert and really don’t mind being alone.....most of the time. My mind is full of memories, ideas, things to think and feel about. My imagination has lots of juice, and nature gives me so much joy! I've devleoped a love of taking pictures, because it's another form of expression, and for the story and wisdom nature often gives us.
So I’d like to say I’m back, but I kinda don’t trust follow-through, you know, with the challenges that a brain injury has given me!
What are your wishes, dreams, or resolutions for yourself in this New Year?
Phtoto Credit: Louise Mathewson
Categories: Writing to heal